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| Hi! So I will update you on my life some other time but I figured I would blog about this one thing before I went to bed.
You know how VH1 has "The Best Week/Year Ever" show? Well I think it's a great show. One of my favorite things to say is "Wow, that is like the best/worst thing EVER" when something good or bad happens. It is quite fun and usually kinda sarcastic but sometimes the truth. Like, Bobby MacAphee will come up to me and say "OMG Hector I just talked to my mom and she is cutting my allowance by 25%!" Knowing that Bobby already gets $10K a month for allowance, I'll be inclined to sarcastically say "OMG that's like the worst thing ever, how will you survive?" and the like.
But the following snipet from an IM conversation actually was, to me, the worst thing ever:
TrojanBoy: i neither expected nor facilitated us making out the FIRST time we met
ArtieArch: yeah but there were strippers
TrojanBoy: ew!
ArtieArch: i had never been anywhere like that
TrojanBoy: u were turned on by the strippers and made out with me?!
ArtieArch: exactly
This is an example of how/when playful banter can go horribly wrong and how as much people can say they've changed, they probably have not. Or, at least their tact is still...not intact. (hahah get it?)
So I ran this convo by a friend of mine who is VERY familiar with the strippers (they're not even strippers, just bad dancers) at the club this boy and I were at at the time (the making out bit happened about 1.5 years ago). The friend's immediate response was "YUCK!, [name withheld]?! They are bad! That's disgusting! They are no good" and so on. Of course I think in his drunken stupor he was more inclined to comment on the quality of this particular go-go dancer staffing agency than the "worst thing ever" situation at hand.
So, at best, I am able to get lucky when in the vicinity of a poorly dressed, bad dancing employee on a stage of a crowded club where the person I am with has a direct view of said employee.
As funny as it is to read back, it was pretty much the worst thing ever. | | |
| So my birthday is in 12 days. I'll be 24. The big 2-4. A lot of people think 25 is a milestone but for me it's 24. I've never really been anxious about a birthday before but this time I am. It's just that I never thought I would be where I am when I turned 24. As many of you know, I'm kind of a mama's boy. I've compared myself to her so much since I've left home. (I think I've blogged about her before but that might have been in my private journal.) I guess I just wanted what she had at my age and I have none of that. Of course, like she said, I chose school and she did not. But even so, I wish I had SOME of the things she had, or maybe just one thing. Yea yea, ya'll hear me whine about this all the time but as I've learned from my internship: If someone is constantly bringing something up during a session, it means that it is really important to them and you should help them explore it, fix it, or explain it. Sigh... In time I guess. Luckily, I haven't had much time to worry about my 24th birthday anxieties since I've been stressing over school so much. October is such a hard month for me. It's colder, darker...school work gets more intense (midterm season) and I have to fight with myself just to get out of bed and be productive. It'll get better. I have about 4 more days of stressful midterm stuff then 8 days till my birthday. Things usually get better for me after my birthday. But with all this school work I havent had time to plan anything for my birthday!  Last year my birthday kinda sucked. And by "kinda" I mean "hella". I'm like Will on that episode where he talks about repeatedly doing things on his birthday that convenience other people and doesn't serve his own wants and desires. My roommate asked me about my birthday and I found myself doing it again. Trying to choose a time and place that would convenience the most people. Maybe I want to make sure as many people can make it as possible? Or maybe I just don't want people to feel uncomfortable in my favorite places? Who knows? I know if i choose one place, people won't come because "It's too far" If I choose this other place people won't come because "They're not comfortable there" or if i choose that place people won't come because "They're boycotting it" or that place they won't come because "It's too ____". Nevermind that I'm inviting them because I want to share my birthday with them and want to see them. Oh well. I'm determined to make this birthday better than last. MUCH better than last. So don't give me any of the lame excuses that I mentioned above as a reason for not coming to wherever it is I want to go  Post ideas for me! | | |
| | Life, Love and.. Roses? | So I thought I would blog a bit since my last blog was so negative... Sorry about that. I was just upset about the whole Brandon Frazier Boy thing. I was going to blog last week but I was too upset about the Minnesota Boy episode. Grr. But now I'm here and happy and settling into my groove. I'm balancing a full time school schedule, a part time internship and a REALLY part time job. Luckily all three still leave time for 2 day weekends WOOHOO! So weird thing happened the other day..err, Monday. I walked out to my car, like ya do, to go to my internship. Threw my crap in the back seat and took my seat... about to turn on the car and BAM there were roses on my windshield. It was so bizarre. It was a bouquet of a dozen pink roses sitting on my windshield under my windshield wipers. The weird thing is that I dont know what they are supposed to mean cuz they were pretty much dead. Granted I last saw my car at 2:30pm Sunday afternoon and did not see it again until 8am Monday morning so they could have died through the night. But what if someone really wanted to put dead roses on my car b/c they were mad at me? That would be weird too. So yea, adoring intent? malicious intent? Who knows. If you have any information about the random roses on my car, please let me know. I want to know if someone is mad at me or likes me or something else. Confusing! |
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| Seriously, fuck you.
I have to blog because 2 of my best friends are out of the town/country and 1 is watching Prime.
But a big "Fuck You" to Karma mostly because I don't understand it. I mean, I genuinely try to be a good person. I'm nice, I always give people the benefit of the doubt, I try to make sure I don't ruffle anyone's feathers or make too many ripples and just try to make things pleasant for people because I know I would want them to do the same for me. Well, the only thing all that gets me is absolute shit.
Sure I have some good things going but again, as I've blogged about before, it's all fuckin' luck. Nothing I have worked toward or worked on (besides school work) has yielded any results. I am SO sick of being nice and good and genuine and getting shit back for it. I'm so tired of sticking up for people and putting them in a good light only to have them dissappoint me once, twice... three times?!?
It makes absolutely no sense to me. I thought that maybe my contributions to someone's day or week or month would MATTER but it obviously does not.
You might be thinking that maybe I sink my efforts into the "wrong" people and that's why i'm constantly getting burned. Which can be true but I think everyone deserves a shot. It's too easy to go for the dependable person or friend and I would HATE to be a fair weather friend. I am THERE whenever someone or something needs me as long as they want me there. I don't expect a lot back because then I would be doing it all for the wrong reasons. But it would be NICE and COURTEOUS to get a phone call or a text message or an IM that says "Hey, Thanks for hanging out last night" ot "Thanks for doing this for me" or "Thanks for understanding, I'm sorry the plans didn't work out" or "Hey, you matter and I want to see you soon"
I mean I was raised to be polite and courteous and was taught to always put someone else's needs before my own because someone else will put my needs above their own too and we will all just go along and help each other out. But the anger and frustration that I feel right now, and that I've felt before, makes me want to blow all that shit out of the water.
It is becoming almost unbearably painful to "look on the bright side of life" because when I do it people or situations shit all over it just because they can or because they expect you to clean it up and make them feel better when they will do nothing for you ever. I don't want to be the jaded guy that forgets the recipe for lemonade for life's lemons, but I also don't want to be the guy that everyone walks all over because I'm the nice and forgiving one.
Just for awhile, I want things to work out because I worked so hard at it and I want people to appreciate my efforts for them. | | |
| Hi Friend. Welcome to my occassional update on my Life.
As you might have heard/read/seen on TV, I got into grad school! I'm really excited about it. I'll be attending the USC School of Social Work. Many reasons contribute to my excitment but mostly it is the idea that I will be back in school, in my field, and *learning*! I love to learn and study. AND it is back at 'SC. 'SC is like a drug. The campus is beautiful, the people are beautiful and the color red is amazing. I miss my daily bike rides through paradise that I will now have back! YAY. Receiving my MSW will also put me closer to my ultimate goal: Be the next Dr. Phil but cuter and less annoying.
After receiving news of my acceptance I promptly began to celebrate. Friday was sushi and beer night with friends and when we got home we had a celebratory toast with a bottle of champagne that Steph bought for me. (Thanks Steph!) Anthony came over and we picked up Justin and Kirstin for some WeHo action!
Saturday night I hung out with Justin again and my other bff, Michael. We had a conversation about "Owning It" because a random stranger once came up to Justin and said: "You need to own it more". I thought about this all night and all day and I am continuing to think about it. Maybe *I* should own it more.
I feel like owning something means to do and say things with the utmost conviction. I do that already because my mother would tolerate nothing less than an articulate, concise statement regarding any facet of my life while I was growning up. Also, it is harder for people (AKA Parents) to think you may be lying if you say things with conviction. However, I feel that I have become too comfortable in my life. I feel like I need to do things differently and be open to stepping off the beaten path. It is more of a challenge to do something you've never done before and then add some conviction to it.
My point is that I think I need to step out of my comfort zone and be confident about it. I've created a large comfort zone for myself and conquered some territory but it seems the personality-building action in my life has plateaued.
So, friend, your job is to suggest things to me that I can do to step out of my confort zone. Not scary, life threatening behavior but something *different* to "change it up a bit". For example, last night Skoot suggested we go to WeHo. So I thought "Sure, I've been there the past 2 nights but what the hell, it's fun for me." Then later Skoot said that he and Robert were going to take the bus to WeHo and that I should join them. AH! Different! So I did! AND I had a blast!
So (1) Suggestion (2) Step out of comfort zone *with* conviction (3) Have an EXPERIENCE!
For what is life without experiences? | | |
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